First order of business! I'd like to clarify something I had said in my previous post. There was a line that said, "I went from having everything... to having barely nothing." Let me elaborate on that a bit.
Coming from where I had come from, I think I had allowed myself to become a bit spoiled and bratty. I might have had everything from a materialistic point of view, but there was also so very, very much I didn't have. Also, when I said "everything to barely nothing", I had also just lost my job and I WAS thinking in a mostly "materialistic" point of view, and I didn't take the time or thought to look at what I had gained.
When my world changed so very drastically... it also changed in different ways, more positive ways. And at the time, I didn't see them as positive. Change is difficult to deal with. Most of us don't like it... and neither did I. But it was what I NEEDED... and for the most part, I am now happy it all happened.
My life changed in ways that other's couldn't see or understand. For some (won't mention any names), it may have seemed like my life had "down-graded". But that's because they can't see the ways in which my life significanty "UP-graded". But I CAN... and that's all that matters. I have learned so many valuable lessons of the heart... lessons that I'm still learning. And ya know what, other than missing seeing my family and my boys more often... I wouldn't change a thing!
What do I need to work on?
In a nutshell, getting myself to a place where I can feel proud of myself and happy inside. Knowing that I accomplished something within myself, for myself, and that helped myself (and others). Healing my body and strengthening my mind to become a stronger more "self-confident" human being who can carry HIGH self esteem. Allowing myself to come to a higher place in life where for once, I will feel like I can SHINE!
I always seem to procrastinate in this area, and simply put off what I know needs to be done. My favorite words are, "Oh, I already messed up today... guess I'll start TOMORROW." Tomorrow. It's always "tomorrow" (or next week, or next month, or after the next holiday or by my next birthday.) I KNOW deep inside that I simply can't do this anymore. I have to put my heart, mind and actions where my mouth is. I have to stop talking the talk, dreaming the dream... and start DOING THE DOING!
My birthday was yesterday. I turned 46 years "young". Half my life is over... and I keep thinking to myself, "If I don't start taking care of myself now (and everyday is "now"), probably way, WAY more than half my life is over." Who knows? Maybe I could have a massive heart-attack and die next year? I have to FIX that!
I can feel my health going down hill. I'm starting to have a hard time breathing.... I'm tired ALL the time.... and I just FEEL so very, very unhealthy and unhappy with ME as a person. I am not meeting my own expectations. I know I can BE and do better than this! I know I need to LOVE and CARE for myself better than this!
So... where do I begin?
Even though I have a big heart and have great dreams for what I would like to create in the world for others, what I would love for my contribution to be to the world, leaving a legacy or a path for others to follow, leaving my "DING" in the universe.... I know that it's NOT going to happen if I don't work on what's wrong with me. How will I be able to preach "Peace Positive™", if I can't find that positive place, that peacefulness within myself. I'd be a pretty big hypocrite. And I sometimes already feel like I am a hypocrite because I know what to do... yet I'm not DOING it.
For me, probably the UNO-number-ONE-O problem... is that I am over-weight. My eating habits are horrible, and I lack proper exercise in my life.
I wish there was an S.H.A... for Sugar-Holics-Anonymous. "Hello, my name is Kerrie Ann Black-Amatelli... and I'm a sugar-holic." Probably the worst thing on the planet to be addicted to, and so very many of us unconsciously and consciously do it and are addicted to it.
I am, however, consciously aware of mine. And what is it that they say? Anytime you're doing something that you know is WRONG... then it becomes a "sin". (Hate that word!) But it's true. If you're knowingly doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing... then it's a sin and ALL THE BLAME falls in your own lap.
So, all this makes for a very miserable and unhappy Kerrie deep, deep inside. I don't like going out. I don't like to be seen. I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't like to go shopping for new clothes. I don't like my picture taken. And most of all, it just makes me feel unhealthy, unhappy, old and worthless everday that I allow it to continue.
Allow me to play the "Wouldn't It Be Nice" game:
- Wouldn't it be nice to feel full of LIFE and energy everyday?
- Wouldn't it be nice to LOVE what I see in the mirror?
- Wouldn't it be nice to be filled with SUPER, HIGH SELF-ESTEEM?
- Wouldn't it be nice to ENJOY shopping for new clothes?
- Wouldn't it be nice to WANT to eat the veggies, fruits and healthy dishes that I already know I should be eating?
- Wouldn't it be nice knowing I could exercise, hike, bike and even RUN without feeling fat, out of shape and out of breath
So I'm going to introduce myself to the DOING part of me... and get it DONE!
Here are my STATS:
(Something NO women publicly announces, but maybe I can shame myself into DOING?):
- Height: 5' 2"
- Weight: 195.4 (as of this morning)
- BMI: You have a BMI of 35.74.
Checked this today at: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/
If you have a BMI of 35-39.99 your risk of weight-related health problems and even death, is severe. See your doctor and reduce your weight to a lower BMI.
- Arms: 15.5"
- Bust: 45"
- Waist: 40"
- Hips: 48"
- Thighs: 27"
- Calfs: 16.75
I'm tracking myself at SparkPeople.com.
If you're on Spark People, look me up via PeacePositive. my.sparkpeople.com/PEACEPOSITIVE
My next blog will be when I start my 100 Days to Peace Positive™